Well, without getting into TOO much detail...I didn't get the drumming job for Brian Willoughby. I barely slept that night, due to nerves and lieing in a bed I wasn't used to...what also didn't help was that I lost the room key card in the car as I was holding, so me and Colette were stressed out trying to find it, and it just really did not help my mental state. Eventually we found the card, it was stuck underneath my seat. After that, I just felt more nervous and less confident...and the feeling of this becoming a bad day was beginning to come all the more true.
I arrived there, expecting there to be a queue in their 'office' filled with performers. I was the 2nd person up, and I keep walking in and I notice that someone was already being interviewed, and the whole thing was going to be open plan! This added so much more to my nerves - being interviewed by the panel, as well as my competitors listening to what I had to say, and what I would eventually play of course.
As I listened to the guy being interviewed, I could already tell this guy had it made - he was very experienced, having played around the world including the Montreux jazz festival and encountering Dizzy Gillespie in his underpants, and having that age of experience, being a more solid player and having the beats perfected, something that I know I still need to strive for. Not to mention the panel clearly loved him - basically implying to him after he played that he had the slot, asking him to stay around for the '3 way jam' they would have later in the day. One thing that bothered me however, was that he was from Chicago, married with 2 kids...I felt this would play against him as he would have to leave them, and possibly would have to move to the NC area, and he said 'oh, my family won't mind that'...I call bullshit. There was just so many issues with that statement, but I can't be bothered complaining. After that, it was my turn.
Hearing everything he said, and played, my confidence was pretty much at the lowest it could be - and I was nervous. Anyway, I did as best as I could under the circumstances. The whole fact that I had to play entirely on my own with no band to back me up felt strange, I had never done that before, and playing the songs, despite knowing them well, nerves took over, and I probably didn't do a fantastic job. Then they asked me to just 'play something you do when warming up'...and, like that, I froze. I just had NO idea what to do. I just went into grooves and a few things I've been working on, but I just knew no matter HOW well I played, I didn't have a prayer, despite being at his age group, having more of a 'look' than the other guy, and, to be honest, I felt I grooved better...the other guy seemed a little robotic. But, whatever.
After the audition, I printed them out my resume and left...unsure of whether or not I would be asked back. There was 1 more drummer after me, and I just wasn't in the mood to hear him play. So, Colette and I went to the Farmer's Market...which was really small, and quite frankly, rather terrible. I was in no mood for anything anyway. Colette and I got a drink and sat on a bench, she was being succumb to a big rant about the whole thing, and how disappointed in myself I was. Poor her.
Anyway, after the walking around, we walked back to the agency and I was still unsure whether or not to go in - I felt I had nothing to lose, apart from my dignity...so I went back in. I asked if I was being asked back, they said, 'there's not much point in me wasting your time when you could be driving back, think we're going to cut some people out here so...thanks for coming here, drive home safely, BE SAFE NOW'. Tsh. So, that was it. I was rejected. I didn't know how to react.
For the first 30/45 minutes of the journey home, I just looked out the window, so upset with myself, and feeling like a failure generally. The first thing I said to Colette was 'I give up with music'...reflecting back, that probably was one of the stupidest things I have ever said...and I just continued ranting about me being a failure and not getting anything, and sucking at life generally. All reject talk. Eventually, we got to a rest stop, ate some lunch, and I was in better spirits, joking about the whole thing, which is what I should have done really. The audition WAS a joke, VERY unprofessional, VERY unorganised and just not the right way of going about finding a rhythm section member.
The drive home actually seemed far less time than getting there - probably because I talked more and was just less excited about the prospect of touring around the US. Despite promising myself I wouldn't build my hopes up too much, I really did. And that's probably why I crashed down so hard. When we got back, we went to Colette's grandmothers for her birthday party, and that was a nice 'back to reality' call.
So, since that, I haven't done much - apart from working on my tightness as a drummer, and getting back into challenging myself and playing technical stuff again.
It's now 2 MONTHS until the wedding! Crazy.
Iain
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