You may call me insane; but I feel as if my eyes have been opened, and my head feels clearer but muddy at the same time sort-of within the past 24 hours. Real life has struck me hard in the balls. I'm no longer a student (more on that later); my girlfriend is travelling round Europe as I speak and I miss her like crazy, and today...get ready for it..I signed on the dole.
Yes, it was inevitable that it was going to happen; I knew I didn't have a job planned up for the summer, and living at home wasn't the option I had until, well, certain factors meant that I -HAD- to live at home. But still, it felt weird.
I always questioned the morality behind "Jobseekers Allowance" (to be politically correct). Whilst I think that those who are physically/mentally/socially incapable of getting a job for whatever reason deserve some form of financial aid, but those who are able bodied and minded, well, that's kinda a different story. I also feel that it's a very easy system to cheat on; by pretending you've been actively looking for jobs when perhaps you haven't been. It also leads to laziness; people could just be happy enough to live on their dole money and not give 2 shits about a job and the perhaps more positive lifestyle it could bring - as long as they have their "wee flat" with a TV, their tracksuits and their microwaved shitty foods from ASDA/Tesco, they're OK. In one of the jobs I worked in, I always seen people like that and it just made me wonder why they wanted to live their life like that. If all unemployed people got money, there would be no homeless people around, period. I know that the majority of homeless people are homeless because of their alcoholism/drug addiction; but surely these people who already live in a council owned or government sponsored flat/house with these problems should not be taken to some form of rehabilitation centre?
I know of "homeless" people in Derry who roam the streets with QC Cream in their hand during the afternoon, begging for more money, then going back to this shoddy run-down building at night to rest (and it's maintained by the social services). These people should not be in this position, they're ruining their lives as well as making people around them feel uncomfortable; and is setting a bad example for the younger people and perhaps even to adults themselves.
This is one thing I have noticed as an "outsider" having lived in Derry for 3 years; there is a serious alcohol problem there I think. Whilst Belfast is also filled with drunk people in the evening time, I don't see many roaming around in the middle of the afternoon; whether they are homeless or not. When I was in a bar, say like Paeder O'Donnell's for example; there were 4o year old plus men and women completely off their faces, almost on a daily basis to the point that I recognised their faces at every bar I went to. You'd think that the novelty of getting pissed regularly would wear off when you're out of your 20s and settled a bit, but perhaps not for these people.
Of course, I'm not condemning the use of alcohol, nor the fact people get drunk, it's just sad to see people with nothing better to do with their lives than get pissed. And it all makes me think of Communist Russia - when they gave the peasants vodka so they wouldn't protest or rise against the system, they'd just be constantly in a state of a drunken bliss (or hell, more appropriately). But, I digress.
Fact is, I've had to unwillingly go against my views on Jobseekers Allowance, and sign on. I need some form of income to keep me going until I find a satisfactory job for me to work in, both in the content of the job itself and the pay. There is no way in hell I'm gonna work in retail; ideally I'd like a cosy wee office job for a year just to build the funds up, with teaching and gigs along the way (and also, more on that later). This will all go in the big ass amount of money I need to move to America; for job and Colette. In a humorous way though, I have been "borrowing" money from the government for 3 years as a student, and now I'm going to do the same!
I suppose I better report on my last few days! Well, on Sunday I did pretty much nothing as always, just lazed about the house, preparing myself for Monday. Apart from the new band I was telling you about. Well, basically, I'm their new drummer. And let me say, these guys are very talented. Each of them are so creative, and I could tell why they got so big with catoan. I'm really excited to let everyone hear what we're making right now. On Monday, I awoke at 8am and got prepared to go to Derry one last time for the band practice. On the bus there, I was very nervous...I didn't know exactly how much practice Adrien and Rob had done, but when we did get round to practising things weren't so bad! Obviously work was needed, but it could have been worse. In the evening time, we just chilled a bit and learned the songs more, nothing too spectacular so we didn't wreck ourselves for the big day ahead. I also had a good long chat with Adrien and Robbie about a lot of things, future career plans and general life stuff. I almost felt as if it was like a "welcome back" chat we all had, I didn't see much of Rob and Adrien for the past 2 months as I have been with Colette a lot, and whilst they weren't mad at me or Colette for that, they just wanted to speak to their friend, and I guess I did too...and I missed talking to them like that.
Tuesday was good, we all woke up and just readied ourselves for the day, got my last ever trademark Sausage Bap from Centra, then the practicing begun. It went really well, and we were all in high hopes that it was going to be a fantastic gig. My dad soon arrived at 5pm, and he was a bit annoyed at me for not having the kit ready and waiting for him. Little did he know that I was under immense stress and had just finished practice when he called, so he sort-of made me feel worse and just annoyed in general. Once he and I settled down, there was a very confusing 2 1/2 hours after. Getting the kit and gear there, not knowing where to put it up and when, going back to Duncreggan, eating, getting changed, going back to Sandinos, putting the gear up (and in my case, it took longer cause things just weren't working out and I had nowhere near enough room) then once we got a slight mini sound check, we were on.
The nerves were on me a lot at this point. I looked around me during the first song and noticed I had no monitors, I panicked. I could barely hear anything. Still, I was used to this in the old days of playing in churches, so I just had to get accustomed to that again. I couldn't hear Adrien clearly at all, and he was the person I was meant to be listening to as he held all the cues basically in some songs. Personally, overall I felt it was probably one of our worst ever performances, with obvious signs of under-rehearsal and general messiness. I was happy with my drum solo, and 2/3 of the songs though. But, I received a lot of positive feedback, both from people who I would have expected it from and others that I definitely didn't expect it from (including my dad, who is always the most honest person when it comes to performances). So, maybe it sounded better to the crowd than to us. Who knows. It was also very weird saying goodbye to my friends who I had known for 3 years; and being upset in the fact that I may never see them again if they move on to pastures green, or I do.
So, with the kit in the car, I was off on my way home to Belfast for the foreseeable future. And here I am! Today, I also got my hair tidyed up a little, and ate a Subway.
But yes. There is also some interesting news regarding a Spandex Wizard 2 day festival in Masons, Derry..but I'm going to keep it silent for now :)
Iain
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